With Father’s Day this Sunday, I have been thinking a lot about my dad, his parenting style and reminiscing about whimsical childhood memories…all the times my dad played with us, tossing us in the air, walking around the yard on his hands or all of us eating a whole box of kid cereal out of a mixing bowl. There is the time my dad wore my mom’s fuzzy duck pajamas to make all us laugh. The times he spent volunteering in our class rooms, or at sporting events when all he wanted to do was sleep. The time time I called him to help me when my car was on the fritz. The time he walked me down the aisle and the time I told him he would be a grandfather. I have so many fond, funny, and happy memories with my dad and I am lucky that my little boys will have a chance to get to know him. My dad is Awesome!!!
This reflection was not sparked by the Father’s day holiday itself, but by a post I read. The post I read was written by the husband of one of my new blogger friends, Caitlin of Rogers Party of Five. Mr. RogersPartyofFive, himself, wrote the Anti-Father’s Day Gift Guide . This post was a new perspective on father’s day gifts. His post highlighted the fact that many children and young people grew up or are now growing up without their fathers for a lot of reasons. I think we all know or knew a few people in that situation. Rather than more stuff, today’s Dads might be looking for role models and support.
After reading this post, my heart was so conflicted; I was so sad since there are still so many children growing up with without their fathers, but exploding with love, pride and gratitude for the man who is my dad! Tears right now as I write this! I appreciated the resources listed and the organizations highlighted in the post. Mr. RogersPartyofFive also encourages us to do what we can to help others who might not have their dad around.
So in the spirit of the Anti-Father’s day gift, I will offer my dad as an excellent example of what a role model dad looks like and highlight 4 basic things my dad did to make me feel loved, valued, and respected. These 4 basic things do not require lots of time or lots of money.
4 Basic Things Fathers could offer their Children
Note: My dad’s parenting style is one filled with humor and wit. My mom was the boss, so he was the funny man. In addition to my 4 basic things Fathers could do, I have included phrases my dad said and still says to my brother, sister and me. These phrases embody who my dad is as a person and as a parent. All of these phrases are uttered with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes. The phrases here are used to spark my memories of things my dad does and not meant to be used word for word since we are all different people. While these phrases worked for my dad, they would not work for everyone.
Think about how you can help challenge and encourage a child to try their best and to try something new. Take time to practice a sports skill with them, spend a few minutes to look at something they drew and talk about it, listen to them play an instrument, or play a board game together.
My Dad says “Drive Fast and Take Risks!”
Not meant to be taken literally! (unless you are in the fast lane, if you are in the fast lane, you should be movin’!). I interpreted this phrase to get outside of my comfort zone and do things that challenge me. Try out for a sports team, take that class that sounds difficult, or do that study abroad and travel alone. Every time I challenged myself, whether I succeed or failed, I always learned something.
Think about how you can give unconditional love and support to a child. Show them you are their safety net.
My Dad says “It’s ok to fail; worst case, you just live at home with us.”
Whenever I began to doubt myself, he would have some variations of this one, “it’s ok to fail; you can live with us forever”. I am lucky my parents follow the parenting philosophy that they are here to help and encourage us no matter how old we get. This phrase made me feel so loved, so safe, knowing that no matter what I did or what happened, there would always be love, support and a place for me with them if I needed it.
Acknowledge each child’s individuality
Understand that each child is different and what works for one may not work for the others. Educate yourself about a child’s interests. Listen and ask questions to keep the conversation going. With access to a mini computer at our finger tips, learning more about any subject should be a breeze.
My Dad says “You’re my favorite”
I am one of three and I know my dad said this to all of us. This says to me he understood that each one of us needed to feel valued and special in our own way. He would educate himself on our interests and would talk to us about them. My dad is really good at talking, but he is an excellent listener and asks really great questions too. His questions could help me think of my interests, or situation in a new way and see things that I didn’t see before.
What can you give to help a child? Is it time, your knowledge, or funding to a resource that helps children?
My Dad says “What do you need?”
My dad always knows when to ask what do you need? He is very generous with his time, resources, and love. I know I can call my dad for anything. Just recently my sister called my dad to ask with her truck. She lives far away, so my dad spent several hours off and on trying to help her. It’s not just his children who benefit from his generosity, other family members do too, do you need help moving, building something, or need a power tool? My dad is happy to lend you a tool and will even drop everything he is doing to come and help.
He is also kind and generous to complete strangers. I remember my mom telling me as a young adult about a time when we were little and she had to keep buying blankets. My dad would take them on his long truck routes, but he would fail to bring them back. Finally, my mom asked him, “where did all the blankets go?” . My dad answered, “I have been giving them to people who have been in accidents or stranded people on the pass to stay warm.” He was working and he could not stop for a long time, but he could give his blankets so that others could be comfortable while they waited for help. This is just one example of his generosity to strangers, there are many more.
Bottom line, with all these things it really doesn’t take a lot and many Dads are probably already doing them and I am sure you are doing better than you think.
I asked my Dad what advice he would give to new dads, he said
“Be patient with your children, they are learning to be who they are. Be patient with yourself as you are learning how to guide them.”
“Learn from your children; they will teach you something new each day.”
“Allow for more sensitivity. I wish I would have done this more, it is alright to be sensitive and to encourage sensitivity in your sons and daughters”
So, to all the men who are serving as great role models to children, to my brother who is a new dad, to my husband who is the best daddy to my babies and most of all, to my Daddy, Happy Father’s Day!!!!